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I think my lover Chase Bank and I are headed for a rocky patch

This is some language from recent updates to my user account with my beloved Chase Bank. It came from a note sent to my personal message center, so I know it comes from the heart, and is just for me.

Why just look at the opening salutation:

“Your relationship is important to us.”

Things are looking good. There’s even some good news.

“We will round the amount of interest you earn each interest period (usually monthly) up or down to the nearest whole cent.”

I know what you’re thinking: it’s smooth sailing, you’re being paranoid, just relax and enjoy your relationship. Then things get sticky:

“If you want to sue us in court or arbitration, you must do so within two years after the event giving rise to your claim. ”

Okay, I guess it’s good to talk about things like this, get them out in the open and take the power away from them. And then here comes the serious stuff:

“If either of us obtains a court judgment or arbitration award against the other and is entitled to interest before the judgment or award, the interest rate will be the rate of interest you earn on your account for the same period.”

Paging Dr. Ben and Jerry’s.


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