Don’t sleep on Belgium!

Firstly, I recently came across an article titled:

Aldi confirms up to 100% horsemeat in beef products

which made me laugh out loud real hard.

While I fully recognize that I am late to the party on this one (Paul Doyle has been saying this for a long time), I am establishing my own internet date-stamped belief that Belgium is going to do very well in the World Cup. I suppose some kind of quarter- or semi-final appearance perhaps?

They murdalized their qualifying group in Europe (tough place to play though their group was not).

I would consider myself to have a passing fascination with world soccer. I divert more attention than necessary or appropriate, but am far from an expert. But reading over the Belgian national team roster, names jump out that are among the European elite.

For those too lazy to clink a link:  Christian Benteke, Mousa Dembélé, Marouane Fellaini, Eden Hazard, Vincent Kompany, Romelu Lukaku, Thomas Vermaelen. Jan Vertonghen. Plus a bunch of cats we ain’t never heard of yet.

Don’t sleep on Belgium!

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Call it self-referential

but the spam-bots are getting PRETTY sophisticated. Just found this in the ol’ attempted comments filter from a “Mary Salas”:

The very heart of your writing while appearing reasonable originally, did not really settle perfectly with me after some time. Somewhere within the paragraphs you actually were able to make me a believer unfortunately only for a very short while. I however have a problem with your leaps in logic and one would do well to help fill in those gaps. If you actually can accomplish that, I would certainly be fascinated.

I feel like this is so general, only small changes could make it sound like a break-up:

The very heart of you, while appearing reasonable originally, did not really settle perfectly with me after some time. Somewhere within you actually were able to make me a believer unfortunately only for a very short while. I however have a problem with your leaps in logic and you would do well to help fill in those gaps. If you actually can accomplish that, I would certainly be fascinated.

Ouch city.

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Filed under Jokes, Poor Decorum

Google Considers Me Apoplectic

Lest why else would they publish this:

That is my Christian name.

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A Pretty Funny Except From the ESPN Writeup of Last Night’s Tigers-Twins Base-ball Game

Plagued by groin, abdominal and hip issues, [Miguel] Cabrera still delivered a three-run double in the eighth inning Wednesday to help Detroit (74-52) even this three-game set with a 7-1 victory.

“I was pleased with his health,” Tigers manager Jim Leyland said.

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Filed under Baseball, Jokes

Euphemisms for Cold Sores

Playing the Herpsichord

The Sins of the Father

Study-Hall-Cola-Blossom

Uncle John’s Band (“band” pronounced “van”)

Garbage Mouth

Lip Rot

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Filed under Being Human, Gross, Jokes, Poor Decorum

A New Character I Made For You

This is an old-timey baseball player:

 

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Filed under Baseball, Being Human, Jokes, Video

LIKE A CHILD

LIKE A CHILD

A brief stage play illustrating a cautionary tale of how to inadvertently alienate a stranger and do nothing to mollify the situation

Setting:

The Horseshoe Casino Steakhouse waiting area, Hammond, Indiana, Summer 2009.

Cast:

MARK, a 30-year old.

A nice family (MAUREEN, Tom, TJ)

STRANGER, a balding, short-pants-wearing middle-aged stranger

A Casino Steakhouse Staff Member

Immediately behind MARK stands a middle-aged, short-pants-wearing STRANGER, who has for several minutes not been getting satisfaction from staff regarding a table reservation.  His considerable ire is a fact MARK can hear but not see. Immediately before the journey to the casino, MARK changed his attire from shorts to pants on account a misguided sense of decorum.           

At the outset of the play we hear a brief muttering of disconcert from the STRANGER to the Staff Member. MAUREEN notices MARK’s change of clothing attire.

MAUREEN

Oh, you changed from shorts to pants!

MARK

Oh yeah I did, back at the house before we left. Ugh, otherwise I’d be standing here in shortpants, LIKE A CHILD.

These last three words are not yelled but uttered with such slow, deep contempt as to warrant capitalizing. Off MAUREEN’s reaction of shock and bottled amusement, MARK turns around. He and the STRANGER regard each other briefly, the STRANGER has clearly overheard. MARK looks down, turns back, looks briefly and blankly at MAUREEN, puts his hands on his hips. There is a loud exhale before he turns and stares absently at Lake Michigan through a nearby window, while the group is mired in thick, lengthy silence.

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Filed under Poor Decorum, Stage Plays

A probable statement by an erstwhile pro-septic Rip Van Winkle, encountering mouthwash for the first time:

Anti-septic? This is going to take some getting used to.”

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Filed under Jokes

Social Animals Episode 2 Rapping Dads

More available here

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Some clutch headlines ripped from the front page of The Evening Post in Miller’s Crossing

Miller’s Crossing is a movie I will always watch, any time it is on, possibly in breach of other more (economically) pressing engagements. Imagine my delight just now when noticing not only that it’s suddenly available on instant netflix (we are discussing here a hard-copy diskette I had in my hot little hands a few short months ago) but that I can make out some headlines shown in the Coen-imagined Evening Post. The majority of these headlines I recall being illegible when previously pausing the screen with my old roommate Troy.

Here I have recounted all the headlines I could read, and one which I partly cannot.

Gangland Slaying

Politician’s “Aide” Found Dead in Alley

Carbo to Challenge Levander

Municipal Sewage Contracts to O’Bannon

Chinese Money Dips In Canton Continue reading

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Filed under Film