Excerpts from two separate voicemails from strangers in Boca Raton for a person named Neal, left for my roommate, whose name also happens to be Neal:

Hey Neal, this is your brothers. Got your text message last night…

Hey Neal, the beach is calling, we hope you’re on your way…..

 

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Something Enjoyable These Days

Any chance you get to see Patrick Raynor improvise, take it. He always plays the truth, gives generously onstage, and his eyes are always reveal a locked-in character. I find it something enjoyable these days!

http://ioimprov.com/chicago/performers/patrick-raynor

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A Kind of Obsolete Vernacular

In a previous post I quoted from and copied a link to Eli Cash Intro (from Wes Anderson’s The Royal Tenenbaums) on the YouTube. I regret tremendously not placing it in the body of the text, so that we could all revel in the triumph of this character (and lend credence to everything I proclaim henceforth).

I think about Eli on a weekly if not daily basis, and am inclined to reflect further. Continue reading

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1991-92 Tecmo Super Bowl Champion Detroit Lions

Well everyone knows the Lions lost the ’91-’92 NFC Championship Game to the Washington Redskins. What this post pre-supposes is….maybe they didn’t?

A while back I got pretty hooked on the old Tecmo Super Bowl for NES, grace à my roomie Neal and his entertainment system. As I began to play the game, my memories of a Lions team that was really quite good got mixed up in the challenge of vindicating their playoff exit that year. Let’s be honest, Lions fans are a long suffering bunch (we all remember their World Championships in 1952, ’53, and ’57, right?). Continue reading

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The Verbatim Info Summary of “It’s A Wonderful Life” on my cable:

It’s A Wonderful Life
7:00pm – 10:00pm

A banker goes back in time.

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A Joke I Thought Of, Waking Upon My Natal Day

Gentleman: Dude, don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

Rapscallion: I’m supposed to put my eggs into what now?

Continue reading

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Introducing: IDSR

Last week the Detroit Tigers Baseball Club was swept by the Royals, then swept the White Sox to tie for first place in the Central, and then on Labor Day lost to the Indians in the first game of the next series.[1] Now, baseball is a funny auld game. Consider that each day is as important to the players as the last day of the season, and then they must immediately forget it happened. Win or loss, it’s water under the bridge. This kind of compartmentalized mental focus is inherent in the game, much as George Will characterizes baseball as requiring great ‘equipoise,’ remaining relaxed until the exact moment of vigorous action. Continue reading

  1. [1]The provenance of three so-called “double plays” (worth two outs) including one with the bases loaded and one away, vouchsafed the Tribe’s escape with a 3-2 win.

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A pilfered posting notion

With little of the expected shame and embarrassment befitting the act, I have stolen the idea for this post from Carson Cistulli, whose humdinger of a website The New Enthusiast has been my (admittedly belated) obsession this week.

Cistulli turns out to be a fascinating individual a mere three months my junior. I became familiar with him due to my similarly recent fixation on a Sabremetric baseball site called Fangraphs dat com, a vision of interesting baseball statistical minutia catalyzed with a thoroughly human perspective, much due to Cistulli’s regular influence. He creates a NERD score for each game, an original metric deciding which game in the entire league is the most interesting based on his delightfully presumptuous and “infallible” statistical valuation. Even in the potentially sparse territory of baseball analysis, Cistulli manages an elegance and humor which is thoroughly delightful. “No little faddling” indeed.

The post is great, and for some reason the amount of spam I’ve received lately has absolutely catapulted. I would be loathe to dispassionately jettison these epigrams of the spam-bot spiders into the void without fastidiously cataloging them here for your pleasure, dearest reader (read: myself)! So below in all their glory are some actual spam comments I’ve gotten in the last week, accompanied by my falsified subconscious reactions:

keep sharing such ideas in the future as well. this was actually what i was looking for, and i am glad to come here! Continue reading

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Uncle Dan story

This is my version of a story my Uncle Dan tells:

 

The old man sat in the garage when he didn’t want to be around his wife. Which was always. When my Uncle Dan was a kid, he would help out around the house, doing odd jobs, picking up heavy-ish things. Primarily it was a chance for his mom to get him out of her hair under the thin pretense of Christian charity. So he was sent across the street, more out of convenience and guilt than for any practical purpose.

One afternoon he was in the kitchen, helping the old lady wash and dry dishes after baking. Once everything was toweled and put away, she cut a slice of pie from the tin, plated it with a fork, and asked Uncle Dan to take it out to the old man.  He was in the garage, as usual. Continue reading

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Real Life Is Funnier Than Comedy Programs

This was on the USS Rock N Roll Blog Montag:

One of my favorite improv class platitudes is “be real,” because the funniest moments in all of our lives come when we’re not trying, and real life just happens.

Aspects of it are tragic, but there is a tremendous amount of comedy in last week’s early morning escapade by Delmon Young. He is a left fielder for the Detroit Tigers. Five hours after arriving in New York for a series with the Yankees, Young was arrested by the police in baffling situation outlined here.

The long and the short of it are summed up in the first two paragraphs:

Detroit Tigers left fielder Delmon Young has been arrested on a hate-crime harassment charge after police say he attacked a group of men and yelled anti-Semitic epithets.

Police say Young was standing outside of the Hilton New York, not far from Times Square. A group of about four Chicago tourists staying there was approached by a panhandler wearing a yarmulke. Continue reading

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